Don't you wave your bling at me!

This morning as I was walking into the office building from the parking garage, I noticed a lady walking in a skirt in front of me. Note that I said noticed--not gawked. So she keeps on walking in front of me and I keep on not looking at her anymore. We both take the mighty journey down three flights of stairs from the parking garage (elevators are for wussy boys). Then she opened the door in front of me and quickly slide her left hand ALL THE WAY UP TO EYE LEVEL! She was flashing her freakin' ring at me as if I was looking at her behind. Yuck! Gross! And I hate it when women think that, because I'm not starring at you, ya jerk! So then we both walk in (I highly wanted to test my theory when she had to open the next door). And again she opens the door at the handle and then forcibly puts her hand right in line with me. THEN SHE STEALS A LOOK BACK AT ME. As if to say, "yeah I'm married and I know you want to hit it but you can't because you're just a dirty bird wearing crappy cargo pants when I do all my shopping at the Gap and Bloomingdale's" or something at least pretty damn close to that sentiment. So then we both get in the same elevator and a dude I know from work is there. So I say hi and she presses her floor and then chuckles when I say something about how I'm a total jerk to my buddy in the elevator. He's like "yeah I know" and she chuckles as if she knows me. I'll tell you what, she's damn lucky that I was caring a broken bottle because I probably would have gutted her like the dead fish she totally was--or more likely, I'd wonder why did I carry a broken bottle this far from home. And the answer would again be that I'm a jerk. So the next time this happens I'm going to be like "WOW THAT'S THE NICEST DIAMOND I'VE EVER SEEN! HOW MANY DEAD AFRICAN CHILDREN DID IT TAKE TO MINE THAT SUCKA?!?!?!". And she will cry like the poor egotistical yuppie girl that she is. I bet she didn't even vote.

Face it lady, you're old and I don't care about you or your bling. Get over it. I mean really!

Besides her ass was like totally flat and her perfume smelled like an old car with a ten-year old sweaty sock stuffed into the glovebox.