it's official, I'm crazy

so yesterday was the worst day in my life...I had been having pressure on my chest since saturday morning and when I woke up on Monday morning it was even worse...I started to freak out a bit and had my mother in law take my blood pressure...it was REALLY high...so we decided to go to the hospital rather than just wait till 9:30 for the doctor's office to open...I go into the emergency room which is freaky enough as it is but when you think you're going to die and your heart literally feels like it's about to jump out of your chest it's even worse...sitting there trying to not to look at the lady clutching her hand that is horribly and I do mean HORRIBLY out of joint/socket is nuts enough but when you feel like you're standing still and yet running at full-break speed at the Boston Marathon it doesn't make it any better...I've never been that anxious/nervous in my entire life...after answering some standard questions such as "do you do coke", uh no. (never been asked that before and it was weird!--only coke I do is "diet coke!"), I was admitted and they hooked me up to one of those machines that monitors your vitals like you see in the movies or on TV...well you know how they make those noises when your vitals flip out? well mine made those noises, practically every few minutes (at least it seemed that way)...so here I am trying to relax or calm myself down yet still convinced that if I'm not dead in the next ten minutes it'll be a miracle and they keep running tests and everything comes out normal...even my heart murmur that I knew about is fine...I got an ultrasound (never would have thought I'd have one before my wife), an echo (some cardio type thing), a urine test (no coke, no pcp, no mary jane!) , a chest x-ray, all come back ok, but what wasn't okay was the fact that my pulse and blood pressure was as high as it was (once hitting 183/90!) and all it seemed was an anxiety attack or something, something that the doctors weren't even sure of...so I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow and last night got about 2-3 hours of sleep after completely obsessing over everything, feeling my heart hammer in my chest even though it's 3am and my all tents and purposes my physical and mental exhaustion should have knocked me out...I talked to my mother (after a year of not speaking to her) to find out if we have any family history of anything similar...apparantly both her and my grandmother have high blood pressure (ugh) and my grandmother went through almost the exact same thing as me when she was 30 (racing heart, panic attack, etc.)...I really hope that I don't have to go on any anti-anxiety medicine or anything like that...in fact most people will probably be surprised that I'd blog about something this personal but writing this post actually helps ease me a bit for whatever weird reason...blech...so fast forward to today where I still feel anxious, I'm exhausted as all hell--both physically and mentally, I have a massive headache most likely due to lack of sleep but I'm hesitant on taking any aspirin or tylenol as I'm freaked that it'll make my blood pressure shoot up even higher...and STILL my chest hurts, though I think it might be similar to the back pain you get or neck pain you get when you're stressed out and bottle it all in...damn and I didn't think I had anything to be stressed about...family's good, work's good, finances are fine (though the inevitable medical insurance quabbles will probably be lame), cats are good...boo, I'm broken.